In the midst of trying to figure out who I am and reclaiming faith in myself, I noticed my mom’s dog, KC, had not been eating and had not been himself lately. I figured he missed mom, after all, it’s only August, mom hasn’t even been gone a month, but still, I decided to take him to the vet. They took some blood, did an exam and then asked if they could do an x-ray because they felt something around his stomach area. Moments later, I consented to an ultrasound. After the x-ray, ultrasound and blood tests came back, the doctor told me he had cancer. It looked like it was in his stomach, but it had spread to his liver and spleen. They could operate, but it would only extend his life by about 6 months. I was just beside myself. I certainly wasn’t prepared to say goodbye to KC. But there I was, on the floor with a ten-year-old dog, the last piece/connection to mom. I don’t know if I cried at the thought of losing him or letting my mom down that I didn’t take care of him. As he slipped into eternal sleep, I told him to run to mom, give her kisses. I told him what a good boy he had been, a great companion for mom and how much he was loved. I didn’t want to leave that room. The staff was crying with me. They knew mom and all our dogs.
Once I composed myself to leave, as soon as I got in the car, I took a deep breath and called my sister. As soon as she answered, I started crying and she said, “you calling about Aunt Marion?”. I said, “No, what about Aunt Marion?” Even though I had an idea. She had been in hospice for a couple of months with cancer. Kathleen (my sister) and I went to see her shortly after mom passed away. “Joey called me, she passed away this morning. Why are you crying?” I told her about KC. We cried together, for both.
I once again went home to a big house, but now with one less dog. No mom. No KC. And now my aunt, my Godmother, has passed. All less than a month after losing mom.
I felt drained. Empty. Lonely. How unfair it was to have these losses one right after another. I needed time to process mom before I could deal with anything else. I thought maybe if I put the two new losses on the back burner, I would be okay to deal with current grief as Kathleen and I made plans to go through mom’s things. I knew I would need a “it’s just stuff” mentality as mom has a LOT of stuff, of course since it all meant something to her, it meant something to me.
Next Week: No, not another loss
Until next time…
Comments