I was home, on the couch nursing a migraine when my sister phoned and asked if I was alright. I said I had a migraine, but otherwise I was ok. She then made a notion that maybe I hadn’t heard that Prince passed away. That got my attention. She was calling to check on me because she knew I was a long time fan of his. After our conversation, I turned on the TV, started scrolling through my phone and looked on my computer for information. It was true, Prince had died, alone, at his home, in his elevator on April 21, 2016 at the age of 57. I was devastated.
I don’t usually get caught up in celebrity deaths as such, but Prince and I go way back, before his Purple Rain fame. Before his Little Red Corvette and 1999 fame. His first album, For You, captured my attention. The song is only 1:09 of him singing acapella with glorious harmonies all by himself. I was hooked and needed to learn more about him.
A little lesson: Prince played 27 instruments, all self taught. He is noted as saying he only needed a band to tour. His recordings were mostly done by himself. He recorded 39 albums. Purple Rain is his #1 selling album worldwide. Made 3 movies. Gave to charities benefiting children after he lost his son. In short, he was a musical genius and humanitarian.
As most of you know, I started playing guitar when I was 5. I listened to Dolly Parton and Anne Murray and emulated them so when Prince came along, it was new, fresh, different and something I could learn from musically. I was lucky enough to see Prince in concert 8 times. His Purple Rain tour I had 3rd row seats and his LoveSexy Tour, I had 5th row seats. Prince’s music got me through some pretty rough spots in my life. There always seemed to be a fitting song to how I was feeling. His songwriting skills improved my own songwriting. Lyrically he chose his words from the heart, each word is purposefully placed. It is storytelling; intensified.
But now, here he was, gone. I mourned the talent that was no longer with us. I mourned for the new material I would not get a chance to hear. I felt like I lost a musical partner. With all my other losses, this one hit hard. There will never be another Prince. Nor should I expect one.
I have an iPod with all his songs that my daughter made for me years ago. I listen to it while writing. Sometimes it’s just on shuffle and sometimes there are those specific songs I need to hear. It took me 3 years after his death before I was able to listen to his music again. I went to the Prince Immersive Experience when it came to Chicago to give me some closure and some peace, not only with his death, but with losing Sandy (more on her later). I went alone, on my birthday. It was moving, emotional and a once-in-a-life-time-adventure.
His song, Condition of the Heart, I played on repeat after mom died. While it is a song about a love loss, the theme of loss is very present in that song and it’s one of my favorite ‘go to’s’.
I will say this, dealing with these losses, and especially after Prince’s death, I’ve learned how much I relied on others to help me in my grief. This road, this pathway of grief is a solo journey. There are people who can make it less knife wielding, but those are only moments as I still need to continue on my journey alone. I’m the only one who can make sense of my losses. I’m the only one who can process them. I’m the only one who can feel the emptiness; who hears my heart breaking. I’m the only one who screams the silent screams at night. I’m the only one who swallows the tears people are tired of seeing. I’m the only one who can find a spot to sit quietly and breathe and let the pain out. I decide who I take on this journey, who I leave behind and who’s music I listen to.
Next Week…Getting married
Until next time…
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